This is My Country - Canada.... .
Sunday, July 17, 2011
Wednesday, July 6, 2011
Answering Machine Messages
Answering Machine Messages
________________________________________
1. My wife and I can't come to the phone right now, but if you'll leave your name and number, we'll get back to you as soon as we're finished.
2. A is for academics, B is for beer. One of those reasons is why we're not here. So, leave a message.
3. Hi. This is John. If you are from the phone company, I already sent the money. If you are my parents, please send money. If you are my financial aid institution, you didn't lend me enough money. If you are my friends, you owe me money. If you are a female, don't worry, I have plenty of money.
4. Hi. Now you say something.
5. Hi, I'm not home right now, but my answering machine is, so you can talk to it instead. Wait for the beep.
6. Hello. I am David's answering machine. What are you?
7. Hello! If you leave a message, I'll call you soon. If you leave a sexy message, I'll call sooner!
8. Hi! John's answering machine is broken. This is his refrigerator. Please speak very slowly, and I'll stick your message to myself with one of these magnets.
9. Hello, you are talking to a machine. I am capable of receiving messages. My owners do not need siding, insurance, financial planning, windows or a hot tub, and their carpets are clean. They give to charity through their Rotary Club and do not need their picture taken. If you're still with me, leave your name and number and they will get back to you.
10. This is not an answering machine. This is a telepathic thought-recording device. After the tone, think about your name, your number and your reason for calling, and I'll think about returning your call.
11. Hi. I'm probably home, I'm just avoiding someone I don't like. Leave a message and, if I don't call back, it's you.
12. Hi, this is George. I'm sorry I can't answer the phone right now. Leave a message and then wait by your phone until I call you back.
13. If you are a burglar, then we're probably at home cleaning our weapons right now, so we can't come to the phone. Otherwise, we probably aren't home and it's safe to leave a message.
14. Please leave a message. However, you have the right to remain silent. Everything you say will be recorded and will be used against you.
15. Hello, you've reached Bill and Sue. We can't pick up the phone right now, because we're doing something we really enjoy. Sue likes doing it up and down, and I like doing it side to side ...... really slowly. So leave a message and, when we're done brushing our teeth, we'll get back to you.
16. Rapper's Delight:
I hate to tell you, but I'm not home,
But you can leave a message, at the tone.
I'll give you a call, before I sleep,
Now start your message, at the beep.
Yo !
17. Hello, and welcome to the mental health hotline.
If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.
If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.
If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5 and 6.
If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want. Stay on the line so we can trace your call.
If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be transferred to the mother ship.
If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a small voice will tell you which number to press.
If you are a manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press - no one will answer.
If you are dyslexic, press 9696969696969.
If you have a nervous disorder, please fidget with the hash key until an operator comes on the line.
If you have amnesia press 8 and state your name, address, phone number, date of birth, social security number and your mother's maiden name.
If you have post-traumatic stress disorder, slowly and carefully press 000.
If you have bipolar disorder, please leave a message after the beep or before the beep. Or after the beep. Please
If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
If you have low self esteem, please hang up. All our operators are too busy to talk to you.
________________________________________
1. My wife and I can't come to the phone right now, but if you'll leave your name and number, we'll get back to you as soon as we're finished.
2. A is for academics, B is for beer. One of those reasons is why we're not here. So, leave a message.
3. Hi. This is John. If you are from the phone company, I already sent the money. If you are my parents, please send money. If you are my financial aid institution, you didn't lend me enough money. If you are my friends, you owe me money. If you are a female, don't worry, I have plenty of money.
4. Hi. Now you say something.
5. Hi, I'm not home right now, but my answering machine is, so you can talk to it instead. Wait for the beep.
6. Hello. I am David's answering machine. What are you?
7. Hello! If you leave a message, I'll call you soon. If you leave a sexy message, I'll call sooner!
8. Hi! John's answering machine is broken. This is his refrigerator. Please speak very slowly, and I'll stick your message to myself with one of these magnets.
9. Hello, you are talking to a machine. I am capable of receiving messages. My owners do not need siding, insurance, financial planning, windows or a hot tub, and their carpets are clean. They give to charity through their Rotary Club and do not need their picture taken. If you're still with me, leave your name and number and they will get back to you.
10. This is not an answering machine. This is a telepathic thought-recording device. After the tone, think about your name, your number and your reason for calling, and I'll think about returning your call.
11. Hi. I'm probably home, I'm just avoiding someone I don't like. Leave a message and, if I don't call back, it's you.
12. Hi, this is George. I'm sorry I can't answer the phone right now. Leave a message and then wait by your phone until I call you back.
13. If you are a burglar, then we're probably at home cleaning our weapons right now, so we can't come to the phone. Otherwise, we probably aren't home and it's safe to leave a message.
14. Please leave a message. However, you have the right to remain silent. Everything you say will be recorded and will be used against you.
15. Hello, you've reached Bill and Sue. We can't pick up the phone right now, because we're doing something we really enjoy. Sue likes doing it up and down, and I like doing it side to side ...... really slowly. So leave a message and, when we're done brushing our teeth, we'll get back to you.
16. Rapper's Delight:
I hate to tell you, but I'm not home,
But you can leave a message, at the tone.
I'll give you a call, before I sleep,
Now start your message, at the beep.
Yo !
17. Hello, and welcome to the mental health hotline.
If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.
If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.
If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5 and 6.
If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want. Stay on the line so we can trace your call.
If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be transferred to the mother ship.
If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a small voice will tell you which number to press.
If you are a manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press - no one will answer.
If you are dyslexic, press 9696969696969.
If you have a nervous disorder, please fidget with the hash key until an operator comes on the line.
If you have amnesia press 8 and state your name, address, phone number, date of birth, social security number and your mother's maiden name.
If you have post-traumatic stress disorder, slowly and carefully press 000.
If you have bipolar disorder, please leave a message after the beep or before the beep. Or after the beep. Please
If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
If you have low self esteem, please hang up. All our operators are too busy to talk to you.
Welcome little T
Little Tennyson Joseph Marut, born on June 17, 2011 at 1:20 p.m. Weighing in at 6 lb 11 oz.
Mother is Sabrina Nicole Bucsko Marut. Father is Joseph Marut.
Born in Sarnia. Birth attended by father, Joe, and grandmother Kitty, plus hospital staff at Bluewater Health Centre, Sarnia.
On another note...
Progress INSIDE! Fantastic!
The wildlife in northern Ontario is certainly somewhat different from what it is in southern (southwestern) Ontario.
Mice are not restricted to northern Ontario, but I've encountered more here than in Sarnia for sure. We are not in a subdivision in Parry Sound, living one kilometre outside the town proper, and surrounded by woods. So...
We had a mouse - evidence of a mouse (singular?)- over the winter, and I cleaned that up. I filled every nook and cranny under my kitchen sink with steel wool, and we saw no further evidence of the mouse. Until...
A few days later, while sitting in the living room, I saw a shadow rush past, along the wall. Did I see something? Confirmed, when it raced past in the other direction, towards the corner of the fireplace! Then, it disappeared. We thought it was just hiding there. We watched. Saw nothing more...
But we had a trap in the kitchen. A few minutes later, off went the trap in the kitchen!!!
How did the wee creature get past us without our seeing him? Odd. Strange. We figured this was a mouse that had come inside, then had been prevented from going back outside when I stopped up all the spaces under the kitchen sink. Success! Excellent!
Then, as I'm away in Sarnia for two weeks, Sir R tells me that he's caught 4 mice! Four mice? How is that possible? We had solved the mouse problem! Evidently not...
On my return, a trap was set on the fireplace hearth. Caught a mouse. So, we got steel wool and placed it round the fireplace (it's a propane insert) to see if that would help. Set a trap. Next morning, we'd caught a mouse. Well, check for more holes.
Another hole that we thought had been filled with foam was revisited and filled with more steel wool - actually Brillo pads. (Steel wool is hard to come by. :) )
And this morning - there is no little gift on the fireplace. The trap still sits there, and we'll leave it for a few days - but I have high hopes that we have solved this problem.
I don't have the same soft spot for mice as I do for the raccoon. Is it the soulful eyes?
The wildlife in northern Ontario is certainly somewhat different from what it is in southern (southwestern) Ontario.
Mice are not restricted to northern Ontario, but I've encountered more here than in Sarnia for sure. We are not in a subdivision in Parry Sound, living one kilometre outside the town proper, and surrounded by woods. So...
We had a mouse - evidence of a mouse (singular?)- over the winter, and I cleaned that up. I filled every nook and cranny under my kitchen sink with steel wool, and we saw no further evidence of the mouse. Until...
A few days later, while sitting in the living room, I saw a shadow rush past, along the wall. Did I see something? Confirmed, when it raced past in the other direction, towards the corner of the fireplace! Then, it disappeared. We thought it was just hiding there. We watched. Saw nothing more...
But we had a trap in the kitchen. A few minutes later, off went the trap in the kitchen!!!
How did the wee creature get past us without our seeing him? Odd. Strange. We figured this was a mouse that had come inside, then had been prevented from going back outside when I stopped up all the spaces under the kitchen sink. Success! Excellent!
Then, as I'm away in Sarnia for two weeks, Sir R tells me that he's caught 4 mice! Four mice? How is that possible? We had solved the mouse problem! Evidently not...
On my return, a trap was set on the fireplace hearth. Caught a mouse. So, we got steel wool and placed it round the fireplace (it's a propane insert) to see if that would help. Set a trap. Next morning, we'd caught a mouse. Well, check for more holes.
Another hole that we thought had been filled with foam was revisited and filled with more steel wool - actually Brillo pads. (Steel wool is hard to come by. :) )
And this morning - there is no little gift on the fireplace. The trap still sits there, and we'll leave it for a few days - but I have high hopes that we have solved this problem.
I don't have the same soft spot for mice as I do for the raccoon. Is it the soulful eyes?
What to do, what to do...
My dilemma.
I know that you're not supposed to feed wild animals. But is that kind to anyone? I don't know why this is always a dilemma in the north of Ontario...
The temptation now is a rather scruffy female raccoon - with a white patch on her back - probably from illness - and her three babies. I'd rather not know about them.
They live somewhere in the woods around our house. We had a bird feeder outside the kitchen window, and the mother took charge of that, visited it a few days with her babies, and then finally destroyed it, probably took it away with her, and we can't find it - only bits and pieces of it. Right now, she's back this morning, picking up the seeds.
It stormed rather heavily overnight, so her coat is very wet. The babies are not with her this morning. I saw her earlier when I looked out our living room window down the path to the lake, and there - looking up at me - were two eyes. I didn't see her at first - only her eyes. I didn't realize she was on her way up to the concrete patio outside the kitchen.
She's a bit disturbing because, if I were to open the kitchen door, she'd come straight in. She's not afraid at all.
And I just don't like the idea of them being out in the wet and cold and struggling for survival. I would rather not know...
I know that you're not supposed to feed wild animals. But is that kind to anyone? I don't know why this is always a dilemma in the north of Ontario...
The temptation now is a rather scruffy female raccoon - with a white patch on her back - probably from illness - and her three babies. I'd rather not know about them.
They live somewhere in the woods around our house. We had a bird feeder outside the kitchen window, and the mother took charge of that, visited it a few days with her babies, and then finally destroyed it, probably took it away with her, and we can't find it - only bits and pieces of it. Right now, she's back this morning, picking up the seeds.
It stormed rather heavily overnight, so her coat is very wet. The babies are not with her this morning. I saw her earlier when I looked out our living room window down the path to the lake, and there - looking up at me - were two eyes. I didn't see her at first - only her eyes. I didn't realize she was on her way up to the concrete patio outside the kitchen.
She's a bit disturbing because, if I were to open the kitchen door, she'd come straight in. She's not afraid at all.
And I just don't like the idea of them being out in the wet and cold and struggling for survival. I would rather not know...
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)